After reading many books on spirituality, suffering, manifesting and the like; I finally feel that I understand the crux of moving through suffering. This isn’t my own special recipe here. You’ll find exactly this echoed in plenty of really great books.

Let’s say we identify something that causes us suffering. For an example I’m going to say that we really want a piece of toast. With lots of butter. Or a chip butty. YES.

We suffer when we don’t get it. We long for it. We yearn for that which isn’t right here, right now. We start with self-inquiry and I’ll go with the toast analogy for now. I’ll add a personal example at the end.

I feel
How does our suffering feel? What comes up when we think of not having the toast/chip butty? A few examples:
- I feel bad because I don’t have the money to pay for it anyway
- I feel fear for my future if I’m struggling with money
- I feel like I’m letting my partner down because I’d want to share my toast with them.

Fully feel the feeling. Ask it, “What is it you want to show me?” You’ll likely receive an answer along the lines of a dissatisfaction with how things are right now. An overall feeling of, I’m unhappy because I don’t have what I want in this moment. A rejection of reality.

Feel it all. The grief, the dissatisfaction, allow it to tell you everything it wants you to know. Keep drilling down. Is the core fear?

Love Thyself
You may note that amongst your feelings lays some variation of dissatisfaction with who you are. I heard the great Bashar suggest saying once while describing a conflict with another person, “Thank you for showing me that I was not loving all of myself.” Among all your judgements, can you see how you failed to love all of yourself? Self-judgement, self-criticism, letting yourself fall into fear. How mean to yourself were you?

Consider how you can love all of yourself, fully. You can love yourself more by reorganising your finances or pursuing training to get a better job in order to pay for the bread. You can love yourself more by knowing that what you already have to offer your partner is everything they already want in you. Love yourself, fiercely.

Know that you already possess the ability to live the reality you want. You already have the potential to buy bread more often. You have the potential to make toast for your partner. You are the phoenix, just waiting to soar. Hold this knowledge. Pause, and sit with it.

The Catalyst

Realise in this moment that your suffering is your catalyst for growth. Your suffering is not necessary for growth, however your view of this situation causes the suffering. What is it you really want? Imagine that you act in this self-love. You reorganise your finances in order to allow for weekly bread buying. It goes further than that and over time you end up investing in your own bread maker machine. You took responsibility and alleviated your own suffering. And now your life is better because of it.

The alternative, would be to continue suffering, bottle up the pain, not take responsibility for our future, and continue on as we are. No phoenixes flying anywhere.

I understand that this road is uncomfortable. Suffering is also uncomfortable. Suffering also brings depression, which isn’t fun. So we go through processes like this.

Don’t Stop There

The hard part is keeping all of this in mind. How often our mind wanders and we drift back into suffering. There’s a reason why the spiritual people have daily practices. I stress though that it is essential to have a practice. Involving others helps a lot too.

For my current practice I have a few options. I am part of a group that also practice these things. So when I’m feeling more lost, or want to share some positive movement, I write a post in their group. The responses nudge me back to centre, challenge my thoughts or add to my celebration.

I also have little spiritual spaces at home. I encourage you to have one of these and have fun with it! One is meditating over burning incense and reading Rumi wisdom. This helps me realign, become peaceful and find the gratitude. Another has coloured pens and a gratitude notebook. I sit and make declarations of what and why I love my current reality. Another is my balcony, where I sit with tea and simply observe nature. I find watching the sky fills me with a sense of awe. Due to this I have ensured that every space I tend to spend significant time in at home has the best view possible to the trees and sky.

An Experience of Mine

A few years ago I was in limbo with where my life was. I was living in an area that I liked, but didn’t love. I wanted to be nearer the sea, and not living near the coast was causing me suffering. I grew up near the sea. Furthermore, I felt a yearning to leave my home country. As I leaned into the suffering fully, my need to be near the sea was my biggest pull.

I gave myself love and prepared myself for a move that I didn’t yet know would happen. I gifted excess things. I began to box up my stuff that I would one day pop in a moving van. I set my focus on the end goal being closer to the sea. Whenever I felt suffering bubble up, I reminded myself along the lines of, “I know you yearn for the sea. I love you and I’ll get you there.”

I also made sure to express gratitude for where I was at the time. The area I lived was lovely. I thanked it for homing me, and for helping me to realise that being near the sea was important to me.

As I was doing all of this, I randomly met someone online. You’ll know him now as my partner in crime, co-author, and lover; J.M.J. Rapids. Just over a year later, I moved to his country, Finland, into an apartment just a 30 min cycle from the sea. I made it. It happened in a way that I was not expecting, at all.

Written on 10th of June 2023 by Belle DreamCatcher